It’s been a while since I wrote for this blog, how are those of you who were following along?
I do have to apologise as it was my intention to keep this blog going but I didn’t have a schedule. I lost track, got writer’s block and I’m sorry. To be fair I did get rather busy with changing jobs, moving out, going to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival (more on that soon!), acting, and making a video on Tiktok that did over 350,000 views. That last one was exciting like the rest but also frightening given that something I made was viewed by the population of a small country. It’s still growing a month later too.
If you are here from before this post then I hope you can forgive me but if not then as your first reading of my work and ramblings introductions are in order.
Hi, it is nice to meet you. I am Dan, an actor, writer and content creator from Wales. I’m 27 years old as of September 5th 2022 and I have no idea what I am doing with my life. How are you?
I can’t actually hear your response so leave it in the comments as I would like to know how you are doing. Genuinely.
Now that we have that out of the way let’s get into some overthinking, anxiety and blind panic. I’m kidding I’m not the type (anymore) to do that concerning aging but it is a topic for most in their 20s. The common thread of behaviour seen amongst people in their 20s is the fear of turning 30. It’s understandable as it’s an indication that you won’t have things as easy as you used to physically. I have to tell you I woke up this morning after going to the gym the night before with the usual aches from it but then my knees decided to click. It hadn’t even been a leg day but it was enough to make me almost do a cartwheel back into my bed! Don’t even get me started on hangovers either, there’s a reason I drink less than half what my university self did on nights out and why I go months without it. It’s gone as far as me predicting by age 40 I’ll probably quit altogether. Alright maybe not quit but it’ll drop significantly for sure.
You do at least hope to have an easier time mentally and maybe gain some worldly wisdom that’ll stave off your past mistakes. That I feel is more down to the individual and their experiences rather than age but you’d think it’d be developed to a reasonable degree due in part to it.
The person who calms me most however when it came to overthinking has always been my mum. I went back home to visit when my birthday came around, I took the Monday off with her and we walked the family dog, Coco. I know that doesn’t sound all that exciting to some but I don’t get to hear the waves crashing into the coast or enjoy a coffee on the pier while I do where I’m living now. It may have worked out for the best me being there as some of my roommates were on holiday and the electrics shut off due to a leak. It got fixed and it wasn’t so bad aside from one cold shower I had before work on Tuesday. Wim Hof might tell me it’s beneficial but that doesn’t make it pleasant.
I hope she doesn’t mind me saying but when with my mum we talked a lot about me turning 27 and how close that is to 30. It was not something she liked hearing because she had me at 30 so it reminds her of her own age but alas it came up. What also came up was how proud she was that I had made the jump I’d told myself I had to at 26 and done what I said I was going to do (which you can read in a post I did for that birthday on here!).
I said I wanted to work on all those things I wrote down as a kid but hadn’t quite done. Have to pat myself on the back, which I have been doing by writing this in the first place, but I really did work hard as you read at the start. I’d say since 2020 I’ve become almost an entirely different person but the crucial part of that is ‘almost’.
There is this belief in Japan that we each have three faces. The first is the one you show everyone, it’s the person that any stranger you meet for the very first time sees. Then comes the second face, the person you show only your closest friends and family. This second face is precious to you and allows for a degree of vulnerability but you can go back to the first face if crossed, with the person who saw it never seeing it again. The last face is the one you show no one but for yourself and is the truest reflection of who you really are. So as much as you change the others that third face is always usually the core of yourself. It’s always the same.
When I apply that belief to most of my interactions over the years when reminiscing I can pinpoint which faces I have used and who I used them with. Early schooling was the second for sure but due to the jungle known as secondary/high school the majority of the time I went back to the first. Linking back to this conversation on my birthday with my mum though I realised I was no longer using my first, and maybe to a bit of a concern my second was slipping!
I opened up a lot to her. It wasn’t hard, I had before and it was comfortable given of course that she’s my mum and wouldn’t dare share it with anyone. But the more I said the more I didn’t care if she did and the more I revealed.
Privacy is still something I hold onto and I’m not going to all of a sudden start blurting out random facts about myself in the streets.
‘I once snuck into a pool party by pretending to be a music producer!’
‘I went on a date with my childhood crush and didn’t know it was a date!’
‘I’ve never had a serious relationship!’
‘I’ve eaten bananas in a salad before, and liked it!’
See I’ll just put them in a blog.
More than likely if I did shout them in the street someone would tell me to shut up or they’d walk right past without a second thought. My point is that at 27 I think I’ve finally gotten to a stage that Mark Manson said in his bestseller ‘The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck’ – in that I still give them but I’m a lot more selective with the fucks I give. I still have my three faces but I don’t give a fuck if someone peaks at the second when they first meet me and I don’t give a fuck if someone gets a small peak at the third once I love them. I love my parents and I love my closest family and friends so they get to peak.
It’s also made me realise that as much as I did at 26 I’ve got a lot more to do at 27. I’ve got a lot more to do out there and to show. So I guess watch this space for some further updates and what I do.
To finish I thought I’d compare us all to a fictional character that most (or all probably if you’re British) grew up with, The Doctor from Doctor Who, who has more than three faces. I think it might be 15 at this point we know of! If you haven’t ever seen or heard of Doctor Who then I don’t believe you but I’ll still be polite and explain. It’s about an alien that looks like a human who can travel through time and relative dimensions in space, saving the many planets and species they encounter. They also are a quirky character, they’re an alien after all but they’re almost always kind, respectful, and honest, don’t like to fight and instead want to fix or help. Their biggest quirk though is that they can regenerate their appearance and body, so when injured or getting older they can heal themselves but will end up looking like another person.
That all sounds very fascinating (I think it is) but as much as people think that is far beyond our reality it really isn’t. I’ve known people for years who have looked similar to when we first met, but then I’ve also known people for the same amount of time that are vastly different in appearance every year. Like they too have regenerated. That’s the outward appearance but then when I’ve talked to them every time I make a note of how much is the same and of something new from them. Something that has changed them on the inside.
Almost everyone however like this fictional character, The Doctor, has the same core personality. I truly believe that. You can look however you want, change how you walk and talk and see the world, learn a thing or two but probably from a young age you had a default setting that can’t be changed. Mine was that I always have been a good person and wanted to help entertain good people in whatever way I can. That’s my core personality, everything else is upgrades and regenerations.
With that being said 27 does feel like a regeneration to me. It’s a chance to change a few things but it’s still me. It might even be the truest form of me there has been yet, but with a flair for the dramatic and coffee cake.
Things I’d like to do in my 27th Year –
- Get an acting part in something outside of my acting classes.
- Become a frontman for a band.
- Get into voice-acting.
- Make a series for TikTok with other creators
- Get in shape (a fit one)
- Travel to another continent
- Get a Tattoo
- Give myself a better work-life balence
- Write for this blog once a week
- Stop making lists.
Dan Abides 